Malik was a pain in the ass at tutoring. Wouldn't do his homework. Guessed answers and couldn't justify his responses. He was loud and distracting the other kids who were working. Preferring to be unfocused and unmotivated, I simply couldn't convince him to stay on task, to keep his voice down, or to give a shit at all. His progress report was full of failing grades. His attention span was like that of a squirrel in an acorn factory. I wasn't laughing and I didn't budge, but telling a kid to stay focused doesn't work unless he sees value in your order, unless he actually wants to find the five run-on sentences in the example paragraph. Malik did not. We spent the hour getting five minutes' of homework done. I'd never felt so frustrated. Afterward, thankfully, the second hour was spent in the tutoring room with Randall and all the other kids who don't have homework because of testing season. I scanned over Randall's algebra study guide answers, catching a few mistakes, and he talked about his summer plans. Overall, an unproductive day. I can imagine teachers have their share of unproductive, frustrating days, so it's good to experience the ebb and flow of education, even if this is just a volunteer gig and things will get a lot more real when I'm the one teaching the class.
Then Jenny picked me up, we dropped off Jenn, went to the mall to unsuccessfully find her a new wallet, made our way to the new Shoki Ramen House on R Street and had dinner. She already got her new ID in the mail. Not sure how she made her way through the system so quickly... Lucky girl. We flirt with the idea of me going to Korea and it gets too frustrating, so we change topics and stay in the moment. It's so warm and cozy inside the Ramen House while the weather's turned winter, and Jenny and I share a big bowl of noodles and stay around for a while afterward to soak in each other's company. It is sometimes a shock to discover how natural I feel around her, and how I can tell she feels around me. With her I can be goofy or pensive or charming or sneezing and always feel normal, always feel loved. For her, I encourage the same freedom of self, the same ability to laugh or pout or dance or write, whenever, wherever. That love carried us through the night we spent hanging out in her apartment with roommates and friends, listening to music, rolling around her bed and staying up late. I don't think I'll be switching my plan to Korea anytime soon. I'm too devoted to my Plan A. But it is neat to think about. It is something worth looking into afterward. It is yet another example of the many paths a life can take, and how overwhelming it is to finally pick one.
- Left to Fry
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