The Day I Had To Write Again Or I'd Explode

There were a hundred or so dead bees at the base of a telephone pole in the alleyway near the apartment building adjacent to my backyard, some of them still buzzing like electrical wire, unable to fly, crawling over the corpses of their comrades, just dead and dying for no apparent reason at all. 

Weird.

This seemed weird, too: 

It was weird to see not because I don't think he deserved it, but because that same day I went out to Oak Park to tutor the seventh-graders, and I realized that most of them were 2 or younger when 9/11 happened, the same age as my sister. I was in 9th grade when the Towers went down, old enough to understand terrorism and point to Afghanistan on a map, but I lived in California and was detached from the emotional connection to the attack. The eight years of Bush and war that followed became background noise. Obama said he'd clear out our troops, finally, and the last two years were spent sort-of patching up relations with the Middle East. Barely. So by the time these seventh-graders were old enough to realize that something bad had happened, 9/11 was a decade old and Obama's "change" had more to do with fixing the economy than finding the FBI's third most-wanted. Now Osama is dead and ashed into the sea and my sister and these other kids won't ever grasp the significance of this moment. But the funny thing is, after ten years, I don't think I can, either. 

It's been a year since I started this blog. 

It'll be a full year of Old Soul employment at the end of May.

Monday night's bonfire was pretty neat. Nothing particularly special about it, besides being able to cook hamburgers in the fire-pit, but the mood was good and the people were great. Some of the usual suspects showed up: Jenn and Nick, Juj and Murphy, Iven, Daniel, and Jenny, of course. Iven brought a friend from work, Kristen, and Brandon stopped by for a while with additional hamburger condiments and a few bottles of Session Black. Glad to have Brandon join us. Always good to see Iven, who I'm guessing has a crush on Kristen. We played Casablanca muted behind French music in the background, then switched to Cleopatra--which the group wanted to hear, so I turned up the video volume and we all turned to watch. People casually left for home with Daniel leaving last. Jenny and I got high by the fire and then slept like sardines on my small mattress. 

In the morning we greeted the summer weather with a walk to breakfast at Crepeville. I admitted to feeling strange because I haven't been writing much lately. She could understand. After she headed home, I slept for another hour before work, reluctantly clocking in at 1:15. 

Jessica told me that Joe's apparently still trying to get back together with her, even though the last time I saw him I thought he was trying to do the opposite and get that alone-time he never got after his last relationship. Funny to hear both sides of a conflicting story, but I don't tell Jessica what Joe says, nor vice versa. 

Kirsten's having some sort of emotional breakdown.

Drew got a job at REI and he already hates it.

It felt good to get back into tutoring. I missed the feeling. Some of the kids were curious where I'd been, which was neat, though my answer wasn't the most exciting. Mrs. Coates and Tyler were both feeling sick and Starlight wasn't there for the same reason. It wasn't the most productive day but I did my best to help kids stay focused and answer questions when they had them. Zion was loud and off-task, as usual. Troy was moping and stubborn, as usual. Kevin, quiet and diligent. Terrance, excitable. Kids being kids. The assignment was tough to monitor (Read the workshop and take notes), so I wasn't exactly sure how to guide them along. Mrs. Coates said they're doing STAR testing next week. 

Paid rent. 

The student loan people received my deferment request for processing.

I have this heavy stress in the back of my mind that I can't shake and I know it has a lot to do with finding access to more money, which isn't the easiest of tasks to accomplish. I've got an unhealthy craving for a fast-forward button. I want everything to work out and I know it will if I stay positive, but having just spent another full year of my life behind an espresso machine is nothing short of depressing. I'd almost prefer a desk job if I knew they'd allow a flexible schedule, not only for the benefits but also because I'm tired of dealing with people because I'm craving a career change and I'm impatient for mine to begin. Honestly I'd love to be a paid tutor. I need to make that happen. 

Soon.

Also my new schedule has me opening on Tuesdays starting next week, which screws over my Monday Night Bonfire routine and I guess maybe I'll switch the night to Tuesday or Wednesday instead. 

- Left to Fry