The Day I Got Accepted Into Grad School

Tuesday morning, Jenny and I ride back to her place with The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart playing through speakers tucked into my backpack and it's bright and sunny and slightly chilled and if my sunglasses weren't on I might just melt from how beautiful everything looks. Sunlight through the trees. Green, green, so much green everywhere. Sacramento is the city of trees, after all. Once there, Jenny saves me from my mullet with some snips of her shears, then I lounge on her bed and write this post while she cooks up the best egg-n-spinach breakfast sandwich I've ever had.

Maybe forty minutes ago I found out that I was accepted* into Sac State. 

*pending some additional requirements, but a big step forward nonetheless.

Last night's bonfire went well, with all the usual suspects showing up. Jenny, of course, and Jen with Nick, and Shaun after his long shift at Old Soul, and Iven from Auburn, with beer, and then Julie (Juj) with her adorable pup, Murphy, who wandered the premises like a kid lost in a grocery store, and Daniel brought Mike and Stephen, and Stephen brought a propane grill and cooked up some bonfire grub while others roasted bell peppers over the flames, and Ariel made a brief appearance, and all the while I had Planet Earth episodes playing in the background under the soundtrack of classic rock before switching to Roger Rabbit on mute, which a surprising amount of people haven't seen.

Before that, at tutoring, I came across the difficult situation of tutoring a 7th grader who already sees the flaws in the public education system, who despises "busy work" and feels like he's being shafted, who knows he's not getting the education he deserves, who is frustrated and annoyed and smart. This is Troy. The kid next to him, Terrance, was a little more receptive to help and for about a half hour I sat crouched at his side and helped him with grammar homework. Pronouns, that kind of stuff. I had to learn it as I taught it, which is hard to do without giving the impression that I don't know what I'm talking about, and together we finished his assignment and both felt smarter because of it. Nothing better than the glow of a kid's face figuring something out for themselves. But then he took some test that had nothing to do with pronouns and I could tell he didn't understand, and neither did I, and so in the end I felt my progress with Terrance cancelled out, and that sucked. Worst of all, you have these kids who are already struggling, and you just want to go back in time and get them started the right way, one-on-one, but you can't and so you try to repair what's already broken before moving forward, and they're already at such a crucial age and they're quick to frustration and quick to give up and you want to hold them and say, "No, no. Keep going. Keep learning," but you see in their eyes that they see no value in it, in pronouns and vocab, in teachers, in rules. When I know how much more school they have to go through, how many bullshit assignments and lesson plans and under-funded education they've got left to trudge through, it makes me feel like the ghost of Christmas future trying to convince them to stay focused because I know it's important, but I don't feel very convincing yet. Not with these kids. Not when they've only been getting 30% of what they deserve for the past seven grades, when the best options for these kids are out of the question. Smaller classes, mainly. Good luck getting that. Too many kids, not enough teachers, not enough schools, not enough money. This is the future of our country. This is the next generation in the palm of my hands and they're harder to grasp than a wet bar of soap.

But I'm in Sac State. I'm doing it. I'm getting my TESOL certificate, my Masters, and I'm going into the Peace Corps and taking my shot at making a difference. I am. I will. It's a process. It's going to be a lot of a lot of a lot of work and I repeated myself on purpose because I probably don't even know the half of it.

Shaun worked a double shift because Jessica was sick. Zoe didn't answer her phone because she was in San Francisco, so he was there for like eleven hours straight. After work I asked John at the bike shop if he sold helmets, and he didn't, yet, but he let me borrow one for my ride to Oak Park. Still getting used to being on a bike with cars, feeling like a fish out of water, and since I seemed to be the only bike rider wearing a helmet, I felt like that kid who brings a sack-lunch to school when everyone else orders from the cafeteria. Put the bike up in one of the rooms because Mr. Scheible hinted that it would possibly (probably?) get stolen once the high school kids were let out of class. Saw John Johnson earlier and he told me he had his bike stolen the very first time he took it out. Gotta be careful. This is the bike that survived a ride across Iowa, after all. 

One of the few memorable, good professors I had at Sonoma State passed away recently. Robert Coleman, this old quick-witted, no-nonsense black man who loved Jane Austen like a mistress and taught a course on classic literature that focused on white supremacy. I knew he had some health issues that he struggled with when I knew him. Cancer, I think, of some sort, which ultimately took his life during a "medical emergency on campus," as Amy put it via facebook message when she told me the news. He said there are two things every English students needs to read: The Bible and Greek mythology. Having read little of either, I am compelled to do so now more than ever. Even after death, Coleman continues to teach, and that is exactly the kind of teacher I want to be. 

Other news: Drew is trying to sell his truck. Bumped into Emily and her tall boyfriend, Tyler, at Safeway and it was reassuring to know she has a boyfriend and is friendly solely because she is friendly. Jenny made an amazing spaghetti dinner which we shared with Jen on Sunday before getting lost in Stumbleupon. My teeth aren't in very good shape. Aly came in for her monthly meeting with L and told me she'd make it to one of the bonfires eventually, and maybe with Margo, another character from my middle-school days. Tonight Jenny and I are going to see "Win Win" at the Tower before she leaves for a three-day business trip. Also, the Railroad Revival tickets arrived and they are holographic and shiny and awesome and they say my name on the back and I can't wait. Yep, and that's pretty much it for now.

 

- Left to Fry