In the morning Jenny and I are buried under blankets on my bed next to the lowered, sun-lit window-shade, and we're just laying there in each other's arms talking about her plans for the Medi-Cal article when Jenny gives me a big hug and says, "You like me," and I reply impulsively, matter-of-factly, "No. I love you."
Woops.
Luckily this slip of the tongue doesn't send Jenny bolting out the window, not that I expected her to flee, but the words had been poised behind my lips for a while now, waiting, waiting, waiting, and here they saw an escape and they took it--without my permission, but whatever--and Jenny and I talk a little bit about the heavy value we place on the word Love, and we just sort of push through that abrupt and slightly awkward confession of affection. The good news is that Jenny mirrors the sentiment, though we've both known that for a while.
We lounge about for a while longer before taking a walk downtown and getting eggs benedict at Bernardo's. The weather is beautiful.
"I guess now I don't know when to say it again," I tell her over dinner at Tower Cafe. But I suppose the band-aid approach to this relationship has proven successful so far, so now that we've gotten the hard part out of the way, the rest comes easier. "We're in love," Jenny says later that night, explaining why our hearts were beating so fast and I could hardly catch my breath. She says, "We made it."
So March is ending on Thursday and Sean will be leaving for San Diego. I still haven't heard back from Sac State, but I'm glad that I have the tutoring gig to keep me occupied and feeling progressive. It was a holiday on Monday so I didn't go, but I'll be back at the end of the week, and with each experience I feel myself wanting to make a bigger change than the time before. I hope these kids are ready and willing because I might not be Superman, but I do know how much they need one.
Monday night's bonfire went really well, thanks to an official Facebook invite and Jenny's help spreading the word. It started with me getting dinner at Old Soul around 6:00 where I bumped into Paul and Daniel and Daniel donated a six-pack and Paul wanted to smoke a joint, so I put Daniel's beer in the fridge and took a few hits off the joint while Paul told me about his relationship woes and I tried to give him advice, but Paul's the kind of guy who already thought of the advice you're giving him, and he's mostly just looking for an ear to talk to. I'm a good ear. I set up the projector and the screen outside and wait for 8pm to roll around. Jenny and Shaun and Daniel are the first guests. We start the fire and watch the beginning of 2001. Jen arrives. We switch the movie to the original Willy Wonka. Then comes Zoe, Iven, Nick, Kimberly, Ariel, a bunch of Jen's friends and Lance. About fifteen people, all told, and not enough chairs but plenty of beer and food and conversation and logs for the fire. I spend a good amount of time catching up with Iven, one of my best friends from high school, and find out he works at Best Buy and lives with his parents in Auburn and wants to move to Midtown. We reminisced and laughed and it's crazy to think it's been about five years since I've seen him. I'm glad Kimberly came--she's one of the customers from the Old Soul morning group--and she brought delicious finger food and red wine. Lance ordered Hot Italian pizza. It was a good turnout and I'm pretty sure everyone had a good time. Willy Wonka transitioned into Jaws. Nick was especially excited because Jaws is apparently one of his favorite movies of all time, and at one point later in the night he got really upset and cried, "You guys are missing the best part," as we chatted around the fire. Jenny and I talked to Shaun about his dilemma with Chelsea, trying to give him advice and encouragement but knowing it'll ultimately be his decision to make. The crowd dwindled to a small group and after passing around a joint and watching Jaws explode into a billion little chunks, we let the fire die and called it a night. Definitely the biggest Bonfire Monday so far, this being the fourth, and it felt good to be the host of something that could really prove to be a Midtown staple, if only for the summer. I want it to be an event where people come to meet and mingle. I want it to be bigger than me.
- Left to Fry
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