The Day I Interviewed With Scott From Bevinco And Realized That I Was Becoming A Different Person (In A Good Way)

I'm starting to feel like a different person.

I had this moment at some point during college, when I realized that I was actually alive, and that this was my one-and-only life. What was I doing? Where did I want to go next? It was like that moment when you've swam out into the ocean a little farther than you expected and now you're looking back at the shore and thinking, "Oh fuck, what the fuck happened to the shore?" It's that crucial moment of enlightenment, similar to waking up from a calm dream to a blaring alarm clock, refreshing and horrifying all at the same time. Because it's nice to be swimming in the ocean and all, but when you get out there on your own and you realize you're a half-mile above the sea floor and probably surrounded by sharks, it gets a little nerve-wracking. Basically now it's time to switch gears. Now it's time to start the next phase of being me, or the goddamn sharks will get me.

I felt this when I drove to Starbucks on Alhambra in my cool gray dress-shirt, my beige khaki pants, my gelled hair, my shiny brown shoes, carrying a laptop bag and paying for my mocha with a credit-card. It's one thing to pretend to be professional, but another to finally feel it.

Hire me, motherf**ka!

I'm sure this feeling comes from the acquisition of two jobs.

Yes, they were coffee-shops jobs. Yes, in that regard, my resume is basically a recipe for an ideal coffee-shop employee. But there's more to a person than a resume, and if I hadn't impressed these people in the interviews, then I wouldn't have the jobs. It feels like crap to get called for a second interview when the company turns out to be a scam. Like getting asked on a date simply as the result of some cruel dare. But to get a call with an offer for a job, even a coffee-shop job, or any honest job, is a fantastic feeling.

Maybe that's because I feel like I floated upon a life-preserver. All that treading water I'd been doing of late has been wearing me out--I'd basically been begging for a change like this to happen, but too numb to do anything about it. Numbed by repetition. Numbed by a lackluster view of the future. The ocean's a cold place, after all, and if you don't keep your legs kicking then you'll get hypothermia and die. I'm glad I was fired. I'm glad I evolved.

Time to survive or be shark bait.

Today I had that interview with Bevinco. Like everyone else I've interviewed with, Scott was friendly and easy to talk to, and he spoke to me like an adult. And I think that's something I've been taking for granted, lately, with all my encounters with people. This is something AJ does very well. She can talk openly with anyone with the passion and confidence that only comes when you try to give them the amount of respect you want them to return. This is hard to do when you're shy because you'd rather not get a lot of attention, so you rarely give it, but in that case you always find it hard to make strong connections. People want to talk. This is how you interact with people. And when I was meeting these managers, I remembered this fact and I had to empower myself to connect to them. And I did, twice--four times if you count the scams, but I won't be. So today with Scott, the ex-teacher Bevinco franchise owner, I felt like I did the same thing, and I felt like I nabbed it.

Hopefully my training schedule with Old Soul won't interfere.

In any case, he said he'd call back. I think it helped that he was wearing the same outfit as me, with a laptop bag, a mild way about him. He could've been me from the future.

- Left to Fry

The Day I Started Panicking Because I Got Hired By Old Soul And I Had No Idea How To Fit Two Jobs Together

There are two kinds of panic that come with unemployment, I've discovered. The first kind of panic comes from not having a job and from freaking out about how to pay your bills. The next kind of panic comes when all those resumes and applications you filled out start getting attention and all those managers start calling you back at the same time. Now you panic because you have all the power in the world to decide where your life will take you. Who do you call back? Whose offer do you accept?

In this case, I just got hired by Old Soul. Training starts on Sunday.

But I'm already working for Fair Oaks Coffee Hose & Deli, with my next shift scheduled for 1:30pm next Tuesday (and also next Friday). And I like the guys I worked with today--Eric and Tyler--and it was starting to feel good to make new friends again.

My calendar is a busy place.

Also, I've got that interview with Bevinco tomorrow morning. Now if that goes well, that's a part-time job that pays 13 bucks an hour. I think, in my perfect world, I'd be able to have the Bevinco job and the Old Soul job. So, in that case, I don't think it's a bad move to accept the Old Soul position. I only hope I'll be able to fit everything together, but as of now it feels like I've got a bunch of triangle-shaped blocks and square-shaped holes to put them in. I'm panicking, now, because each decision I make will determine the rest of my life. Plus I feel like a jerk for ditching Fair Oaks. Not to mention I'm supposed to have my interview with unemployment on Wednesday during hours I'm scheduled to work at Old Soul. Honestly, considering I'm becoming very much not unemployed (can you be over-employed?), I won't cry if that doesn't work out. Still, I was hoping to keep all the schedule conflicts to a minimum.

I got a second call from Dominic, the guy from that labor union place, but when I listened to his voicemail message for the third time, I realized that he'd said, "This is Dominic from American Income." So I did a little searching and found out that American Income is a life insurance company, and they've got connections to possible scams. No thanks, Scamosaurus.

No yellow shirt for me...

I'm going to call the EDD right now and try to reschedule my interview.

Then tonight I'm going to see about a canvassing job.

My grandmother is moving to Truckee this weekend. So much for helping her build a fence... I asked her if she'd be able to loan me some money, and she said she would, and I know she would, but I want to make sure I know how much trouble I'm really in before I give her an amount. I'm thinking I'll need three-hundred bucks. Tomorrow I'm DEFINITELY selling some DVD's. I don't have a choice anymore. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

- Left to Fry

The Day I Have Work In Fair Oaks While Trying To Prepare Myself For Paying Rent And I Dwell On How My Interview With Old Soul Went

I'm not exactly in the mood to write, but I've been putting it off. The worry and panic is starting to tighten its grip around my neck. Thinking about this blog is slowly dropping off my list of things to do, and now I'm more concerned with making rent.

It's $770, in case you were wondering. Two bedroom, two bath, fireplace, balcony.

Split between AJ and I, it's $385 each.

Food for rent.

Right now, I have a little over a hundred bucks, with about three hundred left on the credit-card. Now I can take that money off the card and bear with the $10 cash advance fee, but then that leaves us without a back-up. So yesterday I called my grandmother and asked her for work. I think she needs help building a fence. Today would be a good day to sell some DVD's.

Today I have work at Fair Oaks Coffee House & Deli from 12:00 to 3:00.

After that, there's a furniture store, a pet grooming business, and a grocery store that I want to apply to. These were all craigslist ads, so there's some chance that they'll need a customer service pro like myself. I've also applied to a pizza restaurant, an event planning company, and a fragrance wholesaler. We think the fragrance wholesaler (Cream Enterprise) is a scam because they already called me back for a second interview for an entry-level management position that I know nothing about. Also, they don't have a website. I can't trust anyone that doesn't have a website, these days. Anyway, I've got my sights on this pizza restaurant.

I could learn to bake here.

My interview with Old Soul went alright, except for the part when I mentioned that (in the heat of panic) I got a part-time job with Fair Oaks Coffee House & Deli. I think my overall interview went well, but there are a billion people applying for every job that I apply for, so I doubt that I stayed high on Jason's wish-list after confessing to the other job. Conflict of interest... We'll see if I get that call tomorrow. I kinda liked Old Soul after spending more time there. To be honest, it's not the sort of job I need right now. What I really need is one of those Administrative Assistant positions to call me back. What I really want is for Stacey from West Coast Coffee to call me back, but last I spoke with him (yesterday), he was too swamped to start looking at resumes. Doesn't he know I'm at the end of my rope? Rent is due next week!

That's it for now.

- Left to Fry

The Day I Get An Interview With Old Soul In Midtown And I Start Working At Fair Oaks Coffeehouse And Worry About Bills (Again) During The LOST Finale

I hate that I never appreciated my jobs in the past.

I hate that I never felt so happy in my entire life as when I was in the back kitchen of Fair Oaks Coffee House & Deli, washing dishes, getting paid. It felt amazing. This is an eight-dollar per-hour job, my friends. Minimum wage. But I felt like the goddamn King of the World when Michelle asked me to come behind the counter and put on an apron. This was a job. I was back on track.

You miss this when it's gone.

I think I'll like it there. Michelle's a nice manager. Eric is a good superior coworker--when he told me he'd been working there for over two years, I thought he was trying to fuck with me, but it turns out he's been working there for longer than Linda has owned the company. Linda is the owner who interviewed me last Friday, the long gray-haired post-hippie woman who wanted to express her creativity and so she bought a failing coffee house and turned it into what it is today. Eric knows about the place's history. And he's calm and collected like me, which is good, and today was a good day. A three-hour day worth $24.00 before taxes.

I'm reluctant to pay my bills, though both PG&E and SMUD are due. That's about sixty bucks, total, and I'd feel a lot better taking that out of my credit-card than using actual money, because rent's due soon and I'm not sure we're going to make it.

Scary, huh?

I don't know when to ask my family for help. That's what I'm supposed to do, right?

Conflict of interest?

In other news, I've got an interview with Old Soul Co., a coffee shop downtown that might be pretty sweet, if it weren't another coffee shop. I knew I'd only have luck with coffee shops. I'll need to up my game to win an interview with Old Soul, however, because they're a little more grounded. Pun intended. Coffee-grounds, grounded... So that's scheduled for Wednesday morning at 9:00am. Tomorrow I'm going to every major restaurant in the area, sticking to the Old-Olive-Spaghetti-Cheesecake-Factory-Garden variety, your middle-class classy.

I also feel like I might've missed two big opportunities today, but I don't feel like either loss was my fault. First I made sure to call West Coast Coffee (Stacey) in the morning before my training at Fair Oaks just to lie to him about having to go pick up my mom from the airport and tell him that I'd be available around noon, and that I'd call him then. So I go meet AJ at the dog park and call him around 12:15, but get an answering machine and no return call. At around 2:00, in a moment of desperation, I called again and got neither Stacey nor the voicemail. I think Stacey broke up with me. Goodbye West Coast Coffee.

Then I find a voicemail on my own phone that I don't remember getting a call for, and it's Dominic from the UFCW 8 and they want to set up a second interview. I thought I blew the first one, so it's a shock to hear this message. But when I call back, the phone goes straight to voicemail and I have to leave a message. Dominic never returned the call.

Carrots, dangled before me, yanked away at the last minute.

The purpose of life.

But I'm happy with Fair Oaks. It makes me feel good to work. I'm scheduled for 12:00 to 3:00 on Thursday. That makes this a $48.00 week (before taxes).

As if this wasn't a depressing-enough time of my life, LOST ended last night and I'm set to watch the finale with AJ later tonight. I can't imagine life after LOST. I can't...

- Left to Fry

The Day AJ And I Had A Talk About The Future And I Watch Half A Season of Cake Boss

I was lazy today.

I don't know why, exactly, but I know it had to do with my belief that no managers would be working on a Saturday and so it would be pointless to drop off any resumes without a chance to greet the manager. It's sort of been my goal at each place. Whenever the manager isn't around, I've got the same amount of chance at making an impression as I do when I send out a resume to a craigslist posting--and craigslist doesn't cost me gas. So today I called it a craigslist day. There was a posting for a coffee-shop hiring downtown, so I applied. A receptionist position in Citrus Heights, as well. Otherwise I took Banjo for a walk and watched half a season of Cake Boss on Netflix.

It makes me wish I'd been a cake designer.

AJ and I had a big talk today. It's been in the works, so it's good that it happened. Where are we going? What is the plan? I have two hundred dollars left in my account and a handful of upcoming bills to worry about, and plans to put a bit of that on the credit card. Thank God I've got a part-time job set up, otherwise I'd be twice as worried. But I don't act worried. I try my best not to be. I've gotten the same feeling from her. So neither of us have been upfront about the massive panic going on in our private heads. Now we know.

I should be aiming for higher than a coffee-shop, especially if I want to do better than I was before, commuting to Auburn every day. She's worried because I immensely hated my last job (for its dull routine, snail-slow hours, and lack of fulfillment) and will be putting myself right back into that situation a few months down the line if I go back to coffee. To be honest, I wasn't thinking about that at all. I only know that my chance of getting a job ASAP is to do the only thing I know how to do that people will pay me money for. On the side, I've got my freelancing dream taking route, but I know that's nothing to be setting off fireworks for. I wanted to make it clear to her that my other stuff is back-burner compared to getting a job. It was this conversation that has motivated me to go to the Scandinavian furniture store tomorrow and ask about my resume. That, and the West Coast Coffee gig, seem like the best options right now.


- Left to Fry

The Day I Got A Job At Fair Oaks Coffeehouse And Deli While Applying For A Job At Garcia's

I have no other goal but to find a job.

This is not true. I also worry about paying the bills. How long will this really last? I know that I still have to eat. My other goals, however, feel like command-prompts from a videogame. When they come up, I'll just Press O and they'll get done, like it's God of War III. In the meantime, I've never had to deal with something like unemployment, so I'm giving this problem all my attention (sorry AJ, for being a little distant these past days). Unemployment is my goddamn Final Boss, and one of us is going down--and it's not going to be me, motherfucker.

Which button restarts?

So while I was waiting to get an application from Liz at Garcia's Mexican Restaurant (a place I once frequented with my family when I lived in Sacramento during my youth in another life), I happened to get a call from Michelle, the manager of the coffee-shop in Fair Oaks. Turns out my interview went really well. I have training on Monday from 9 to noon.

It's funny, but the first thing I thought wasn't "Hell yeah!" but instead went something like: "How am I going to fit that in before my two o'clock at the Olive Garden to meet with the manager and hand in a resume?"

You're next, O.G.

My life is the job search.

"But what about what you're doing right now, Chris?" you might ask. This is part of it, however. This is my venting space. Staying calm is half the battle. Sure I was in a really shitty mood today, but that's what happens. The predator hunting its prey doesn't wonder about trivial things--it focuses on the prize and it lunges. Now every day feels like a hundred days. I'm reaching the point of this experience where I'm going to start lying and cheating my way into a job (To my Prospective Employer: Just kidding!). After that, it's off to organized crime for me, I'm afraid. So I need to write about it because that's what I do. And when I'm done with this, I'll check craigslist for another job. I'm still on the hunt, after all. Time is ticking.

Don't get me wrong: I'm happy about the new job. Change is good. I just know it's not enough.

With that, I sign out.

- Left to Fry

The Day I Made A Video And Dedicated It To Creekside

This is what happens when I don't have a bedtime.
The song is by Adam Balbo.

The Day I Started Going To Interviews For A New Job And Realized I'm Losing Track Of Time

On my way back from Fair Oaks, I forgot what day it was today.

This is a bad sign.

I know, now, that today is Thursday and that tomorrow is Friday, and after that comes the Weekend, and then Monday, and so on and so on... But for a moment there, as Fair Oaks Boulevard crested and I caught a flash of the setting sun, I seriously lost track. It reminded me of that childhood summer feeling of being without school, without responsibility, care-free and clueless. I didn't like it. I'm not meant to be care-free and clueless anymore. I need to find a job, and I need to find one soon.

The good news is that I was on my way home from a really good interview. The bad news is that I had a really good interview for a job that will pay me less than I've ever been paid in my life, and for a job that I have been hoping to get away from for once. But minimum wage is better than zero wage, so if Linda calls me back next week, I'm putting on that goddamn apron and I'm getting back behind that espresso machine with all the enthusiasm I can muster. It sounds like it'll be a part-time thing, anyway, so I'll have room for a second job.

Heavy sigh.

I was surprisingly happy when the girl who interviewed before me dejectedly left the coffee-shop with the air of someone who didn't meet Linda's expectations. I'm becoming ruthless. I might have to get worse.

Earlier today I had an interview with UFCW 8.

Thanks for our awesome shirts, UFCW

Don't know who they are? Neither do I, not even after going to their office in Roseville. I got the impression from the unexpected phone-call yesterday that they operate as the middle-man between workers and the labor union. If you were in a union, for example, you'd want to find out about your benefits, and so you'd come to UFCW and talk to me. If I were hired. Unfortunately the interview went poorly (in my opinion) while I suffered from a rambling tongue and nervous dry mouth. I was much less nervous when I was waiting with the other candidates in the board room, thinking the whole time that I was about to be part of a hidden-camera show. If I get called back for a second interview next week, I'll be surprised.

This whole "office job" angle is so strange to me.

Yesterday, when I went to Office Team to try for a Temp Job, I was waiting in the lobby with the receptionist and maybe it was just the fluorescent lighting or the too-white walls or the way the air tasted like carpet-cleaner, but I could already understand why people go postal in places like this. Even before meeting with Joy (irony only I observed), I was already feeling like this place was driving me to homicidal insanity. Joy told me to fill out an online form and e-mail her my resume. So I did. Then I filled out the form for another Temp Agency, feeling all the while like a pathetic liar saying whatever it takes to get noticed and not believing a single word. I've spent seven years in coffee-shops... I can type and I can do office tasks, but whose going to give me a chance when it looks like all I can do is foam milk and make a turkey sandwich?

I'm not discouraged, yet. Today I hit up a handful of coffee-shops and a Noah's Bagels and a bar called the Golden Bear. Yesterday I felt positive about passing my resume to a Scandinavian furniture store and this phone-call I had from West Coast Coffee. I'll be calling the furniture store to check in tomorrow. I also sent out a handful of craiglist responses, but that's like throwing a lasso at the sky and hoping to catch a star. My neighbor, Laura, has insisted I give a call to a woman from the Temp Agency that Laura does work for. Anything is better than nothing. I have bills to pay really soon and not much money saved to keep AJ and I from super-crisis mode (I already have a stack of DVD's ready to sell for gas money).

Fingers crossed that Mike doesn't challenge my unemployment claim, that bastard. Even if I only get a minimal amount of income, it will help. My resources are dwindling rapidly.

- Left to Fry

p.s. Guess what my fortune cookie said?

The Day I Got Fired From Creekside Cafe

It happened.

I was "let go."

When something you don't like is taken away from you, the sense of loss is small. I hated my job. So to have Mike yank it away from me all of a sudden felt like waiting for someone else to finally just break up with you. To be honest, my first feeling was one of relief. I calmly accepted my dismissal from Courthouse Coffee, took my check, and drove home. I didn't feel the proper effects of being fired until I was on the freeway, driving in silence through a world that decided this was the morning it was going to turn its back on me. Suddenly I cared--not about the job, but about the job. Now I didn't have one. I was one of those people. What was I going to do? How was I going to pay rent?

Here are the circumstances of my firing: My grandmother owned a coffee-shop called Courthouse Coffee. She eventually opened a separate, smaller shop in a new business complex across town. A Roseville courthouse also let her run their coffee kiosk. Then, in March, my grandmother sold the business. I was taken in by Mike Zuvella, who continued operating the second coffee-shop (named Creekside Cafe) and the kiosk, in addition to the main business. Almost instantly, the income of the business dropped when Mike cancelled the beer/wine license, rearranged the furniture, and altered the menus. Loyal customers went elsewhere. The barely-busy Creekside Cafe, where I worked, suddenly became an unecessary cost. With six employees to pay, it was only a matter of time before one of us was let go. I felt particularly vulnerable as the main worker at the Creekside location.

This morning I went to work like normal (yesterday my car overheated and I had to have Mike find someone to cover me), parked, got out, waved to Virginia, said hello to Mike, and went inside. But when I went into the kitchen to collect the day's supplies, Mike asked me to go outside. He asked me to sit. Then he said he was letting me go. He mentioned that I'd made a few mistakes. He said it wasn't about cost, but performance. No warnings, however, of these mistakes. No hint that I was under-performing at all. Mike and I--we don't even know each other. I saw him on Thursdays when he had me work at the main business, though he usually went off to the store or the bank and left me there alone, so he never got to see me actually working. At Creekside, where it's rarely busy, I basically sit around for five hours and do all my chores and clean shop and give good customer service when needed. The place makes a little over a hundred bucks a day. It's a waste. I get that. So why couldn't Mike just say that?

It's been five hours since I was let go.

I've since sent out five resumes. I also took my dog for a walk. Then I got in touch with Derek, who may or may not have a job for me, but he's going to get back to me at 1:00pm.

My girlfriend, AJ, is asking every customer at her coffee-shop if they have any knowledge of a job opening. It's easier to ask that kind of stuff when it's for someone else. In the meantime, I have my eyes set on this nearby coffee-shop that would make for a good replacement. Sure, I want to get away from espresso machines and customer service, but it's not exactly like I have a choice. I have a Bachelors in English and I don't want to be a teacher--so it's coffee or cubicle, for me.

I feel the best when I write, so I thought a running journal about this upcoming experience might help me out. It could even motivate me to be creative, because I'll want to brag about it in this blog. I've moved past my initial depression by convincing myself that this is happening for a reason. I hated that job, anyway. I'm better off without it. Now I'm a man of action. Now I'm off to get a cup of coffee.

Wish me luck.

- Left to Fry