There went February.
I face the remainder of the year as an enamored 24-year-old coffeeshop barista with a pending Peace Corps application. My best friend is going to move to San Diego next month. My mom is dating someone new. Shaun went on his third date with a girl named Chelsea. I can't stop thinking about Jenny. My new license still hasn't come in the mail. I've applied for but not heard back from Sacramento State. Kirsten is dating Collin who lives in San Francisco. I'm addicted to yoga. The AT&T bill I share with AJ is soon to be split. Jenny wants to go to Burning Man this summer. Max and Kat are due to be parents of a baby girl named Evelyn in June, and I think my ex-ex-girlfriend, Amy, is due that same month. Shaun's band plays @ Old Ironsides on March 10. I'm starting to get in touch with PS7, the middle-school where Drew was a volunteer teacher, and should be meeting up with them next week. I'm in this waiting room situation until I hear back from Sac State, and if that falls through I'll try getting into the Peace Corps with teaching experience, and if that doesn't work then I'll be moving to San Francisco (or San Diego?) after August.
Maybe. I don't know.
That's just where I'm at today. Who knows where I'll be next Tuesday? If you asked me a week ago if I thought I'd ever get into yoga again, I would've said no. But here I am setting my alarm to wake up early tomorrow to make the 9:30 class at Zuda.
That's where I was this morning, too, riding Jenny's bike from my house and locking it to the post outside of the yoga studio. I'm waiting for Jenny outside when suddenly Chris pops his head out the front door and says, "You better be taking a class here." There's a small Record Player Night reunion when Jenny gets there and we spend the next 75 minutes sweat-drenched and stretching. Third day in row. I feel proud of getting the most of my $10 for 10 Days package. Afterward, high and limber, we wound up at Jenny's apartment where she'd offered to make us breakfast. Egg scrambles. We listened to the Velvet Underground and Kings of Leon albums and hung about the livingroom with Jen, who shared some yoga knowledge with us, and later Nick, who told us that his parents' house burnt down last night.
Last night...
Last night I invited a bunch of random people to come over to my house for a bonfire. In retrospect, the perfect people actually showed up. Sean and I started the blaze around 7 PM after grabbing Chipotle on our way back from yoga. Jenny arrived a half hour later. Introductions followed by staring into the fire and sharing a joint while we took sips of white wine and beer. Then Max and Kat stopped by. Kat with her pregnant belly. Added logs. Everyone striking up conversations with everyone else. I remember participating most of the time, but also observing, listening, and marveling. Jason, Jennifer and Baby Jack also stopped by, which was really nice of them, and I thought it particularly neat to have the expectant couple to meet the couple with the one-year-old. Baby Jack always has the best hats. Jenny and I ran over to Grocery Outlet to try and get s'more materials, but failed and returned with chips and Oreos instead. Since many brought their own beer, the Fat Tire Folly Pack and case of canned Pabst were hardly touched. More for me later. The two couples and the baby all left at the same time with early mornings ahead of them, and it wasn't long afterward that Jen arrived, followed by her friend and, minutes later, Ariel. It was nice having so many people around the fire. Good night. Clear. Listening to music from my netbook. I didn't take any pictures. Should've. People seemed to enjoy being there. Jen and her friend left, trimming the group down to Me, Jenny, Sean and Ariel. Then Shaun arrived, done with his shift at Old Soul, and a half hour later we were minus Ariel and on the way to In'N'Out. One double-double and chocolate shake later, it was back to my house. Shaun left. Jenny, Sean and I made plans to go to yoga in the morning and I left Sean at my house to walk Jenny home.
Sean saw one of his favorite local celebrities in the same yoga class we took. He's hooked.
He also mentioned this blog out loud during the bonfire--I think he was paranoid about something he said ending up in my blog, even though I have no idea what he said--and of course my heart sank because I thought about Jenny figuring out how to find this blog, so I didn't acknowledge Sean at all for about a minute to pretend like he was just talking nonsense. I panicked. I wasn't ready for Jenny to know about this yet, and thankfully she never picked up on that topic so I didn't have to explain myself. Made me realize that putting out all these memories makes me completely vulnerable. I'm not holding anything back. When I'm 50 and forgetful, I'll appreciate the fact that I was so candid with my life at 24. I'll want to remember, for better or for worse, and if Jenny comes across this someday soon and reads about my life in Sacramento and Kirsten and Katie and all the crushes and all the confessions, then so be it. That'll just be part of the story.
Anyway, if we really do start officially seeing each other, I'll tell her about it.
At this point we haven't discussed what's happening between us. All that's happened has just happened. I sense waves of intense connection when we're alone, and though we've held hands in public, I still think we're trying to feel out how to behave when others are watching. Part of me knows for sure that Jenny likes me as much as I like her. There are no expectations yet. There is still so much to learn.
I saw Celena today. She apologized for not making it to the bonfire--for which I was secretly grateful--and is in the process of moving out. I don't know if she and Chris broke up. Maybe, maybe not. I honestly don't care anymore. It was funny, looking at her--still adorable, no doubt--and just seeing a closed door. I had my chance with her and she with me, but now I've turned to Jenny and that's the end of that.
- Left to Fry
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